She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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