When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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