im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Im part way to drunk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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