You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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