In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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