Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
