i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
