I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
