Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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