just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
