Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
