Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
