i already hear my dad disowning me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
