I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
