So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
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I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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