i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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