He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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