I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
