I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
