You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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