we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he thought i was a dude.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
