so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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