Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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