so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
