I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
