Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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