Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
