is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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