if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
