she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
