She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
