Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
