She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
