He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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