u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
