Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
