look no pants
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
