Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
