Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
