My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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