He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
