So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
