Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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