Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
