oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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