is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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