I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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