Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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