I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
