If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
its liver damage thursday
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
