I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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