Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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