he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
