And the cops told us we were all naked.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
pray to the hookup gods
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
