can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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