you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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