i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
