well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
