He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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