Got a toothbrush?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
