well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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