So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
