I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
