Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
