I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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