I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
