is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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