did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
